Being insane is fantastic

All through the grace of God! Slept decent, but when your final dream stars Adrianne Curry, who left the Brady for some bottom-of-the-barrel meth-head who has no apartment, but has the manipulation skills of a familiar ex-Mason...

and your walking past computers in terror has de-volved into trying desperately to type one last little message on a Word Processor with the keys falling off...well, it reminds.

Being back home with my kids today is all the grounding I'll need. Not everyone is as superior at handling the 40 below weather, or the laptop ban that average citizens take for pure granted, but at least, at least my mystical relief will be kind.

Maybe in time, I can forget that a woman last night had an actual orgasm as she prayed the spirit through my belly (ew!) That the prophesiers in the church saw that "my baby will live, he won't die".

I'll hold on to the perspective of the only rational man I encountered (Freemasonry? Yup, I said.) "No matter the outcome, it will be good," he looked at me like a clear-eyed father and said.

"No matter the outcome," I agreed, "it will be good."

Take the influential Kardashian sisters...

as an example. Anyone who's white who takes a Kardashian sister...never speaking to again. Ever. But truly, those large asses weren't graced upon them for no reason...God willed every interaction that complimented those booties...and bitches ate it up, like they always do.

And, they're not ghetto! I love that you never hear about them getting into fist-fights for no reason, and never does a black woman in her right mind say, "that's MY NBA star you're helping yourself to". It's GENIUS!!!

They're getting better at upstaging each other too, which is passion like I've never seen. Can hardly wait to see which enterprise will be taken over by their sensitive, and yielding, little brother.

But back to the most efficient portrayal of white women favoring black men because it's a free world, that I've ever witnessed. Healed every "but, you..." and "but, he..." and "what about..." even a seasoned on-the-fence racist thanks-to-the-media, like me would admit to believing.

I grew up in this culture, yet Black to the Future needs maintaining. These girls do it so authentically, through the pure act of love...replaced all my imaginings.

Waiting patiently for my Americano

Delivery service here, forgot to insist it be topped with whipped cream...will probably get two shots instead of my insane but usual four. It's decaf, so relax...nothing to be concerned or silent about. Decisions, decisions. Hmm.

The life of a free-flying mature, worldly mother...totally enjoying it, thank you. Apparently the Harvest House is a MUST, and some felafel experience I'll never be the same if I don't enjoy. Shall we go to Boulder on Monday? Heard it's unbeatable, so okay. Fine.

First church service is tonight, with a guaranteed meeting with both a "seer" and a "healer". I love the chance to watch God act through others, because I DO believe in it, but am extra-guarded so I don't lose my mind. Surrendering everything to God is one thing, listening to the devil imitating Him...leaves me slightly scared.

Oh prophets, and seers, and healers with the Word of God, be kind.

At what expense, you might ask.

Why, I'll get to that eventually, or if you know me, immediately. I had to wait to buy Glen Hansard AND Sting, or at least hold off a few weeks until our anniversary. Worth the delay? Um, at the time it sure wasn't. There's nothing in the world I desired more than to sit in my car, or in front of my DVD player (works with CDs)...and indulge right away.

I waited, however, like all good wives should. The celebration, and the meaning, and the waiting...wouldn't make me love them any lesser. Turns out, I hated both of the former, and liked Johansson and Pete Yorn better. Always rolls that way, when I wait, and I listen, and obey.

Not Winston Churchill enough

Just my opinion. I don't know what I was expecting, a little more stubborn bravado, less the composed academic we all grow tired of. And like Arianna suggested, a flight suit would've been nice.

I'm so glad I turned immediately to FoxNews for perspective after almost being enlightened by Obama's speech. It was refreshing to find actual journalists with real names, deciding with zero deliberation that this speech was the worst attempt at leadership ever witnessed.

A relief to those of us who oppose just to oppose, without even thinking. Quite the burden lifted, and no, I don't feel the least bit like a traitor. Personally, I raise my children with the "come back with your shield, or on it" mindset, and they know not to cross me. Laconic ancestry, if you must know...and Spartan.

Never would I spare the whip, lest I spoil my children into trusting me. Patriarchy is simply the best and only option, and I quote cartoon Linus whenever the holidays approach (it's my penchant for the city of David). Kidding, that privilege belongs to a rich storyteller whose ratings are worth more than the secrets that probably slip out regularly. Accidentally.

Just imagining, as usual.

Seeking a gifted theologian

Yes, I'd be in seminary right now debating my right not to be bishop, and coming to terms with that somehow. Easily, because I'm skilled at surrender, but I keep being tempted, you know, to blame all the Christians? I can barely help it at all.

See, their logic is to just convert everyone to the right savior, as if that momentary seeking alone provides every answer. Probably a fallacy somehow. And protecting unborn life at all costs, as if we'd quickly forget that all life REALLY MATTERS. Blind to the murderous men that surround us on just about every "potentially Christian" border.

Not quite seamless, somehow too far from salvation. Ignoring the teaching potential of grief, and loss, that happens in ALL stages of a woman's life. Stubborn male's resistance to balance, to trust... deciding the weight we ladies carry, whether we agree to it or not.

At least, I'd like to reconsider my price.

Typing

Not so far out of the loop as I had thought, wow, the military's efficient! I figured it was enough to just be glad to have some writing space in my basement, and the desire to reinvigorate my passion for word roots. So grateful, for all the possiblities available through technology.

That being said, I'm suffering from writers block. May be a permanent condition, I'm just sensing it now. Never knew it was something I'd be prone to, or something I'd decide to spend a whole Thanksgiving weekend contemplating...but of course I will.

Until then, I have just twenty minutes left to wonder what's standing in my way. Probably something silly and inventive. Usually how it works.

Vanilla and Coconut

Would never normally drink something that reminds me of cheap incense, but the dark-skinned Africans happened by in that moment, and I felt I had to choose. Won't dare tell you which teas I'm partial to, until I figure out the actual value difference between 2% of $800,000 versus 2% of $8,000,000. Both involving the number 16 somehow, I'd presume having already calculated it.

The first having to do with Sarah Palin's pivot, the second with slippery shoes guaranteed to increase the odds of head injury by merely entertaining the thought. Ooh, I hate voodoo (not really). Wonder when I can book that trip to Haiti, gonna wake all the zombies single-handedly. God knows I love the Caribbean!

My lust-filled weekend will never arrive if I keep rambling on like this, c'mon Jess, pray! Do you lay out all the reasons why Tyra and Gabbie have no place pretending to be cultured, no matter if one is the richest televisionista, and the other capable of inspiring young girls everywhere to run marathons for Build-a-Bear Workshop's good causes? Hmm, I just can't decide to know.

I was thrown for a loop

Mainly, I was surprised at how I anticipated her tears before they even came. Realized that I wasn't so afraid of telling her while crying, as disappointed that I couldn't maintain my "strong friend" composure. It's what people always seem to like.

I really hate disappointing everyone I know by being weak, not having perfection all together. It's not a task I assigned myself, I PROMISE YOU, it's something that just falls upon your shoulders when you buck the status quo your whole life. Suddenly you're some leader.

At the Disney-rips-off-our-small-town commercial event on Saturday, I had to come to terms with the fact that young mothers can be hurt if they don't have a reliable vision of strong others. I let everyone I know down by having this imperfect child, I didn't mean to.

It's okay, I can handle walking that road, and I do it with pride. But it's such a stark contrast between "ooh, everything she says carries the weight of gold" to can't even look at her anymore straight in the eyes. It's lonely, but expected.

Oh yeah, Jen...where was I? I sensed that I was going to destroy her to the core with my news. Not that she keeps me on the same pedestal as the others, but she loves children and God and me as much as I do. We were injured together.

I told her to sit down, and to brace herself, although I didn't want to. Some angel must have whispered, "be gentle, this Catholic's breakable". My friend, my friend, was all she kept sighing as it registered. Finally I gathered enough sense to be a respectable host, and grabbed some Kleenex. Actually, it was Target brand. Or wait...was it?

I can't remember.

At the cabin...

This weekend I viewed The Girlfriend Experience, totally expecting something different. Won't say what, or how that's useful in relationship...because well, you know, I'm modest. And thrifty, which is why we rented it.

Ex-porn stars though, totally have the deepest character. You'd never suspect that, imagining them selling their soul non-stop and all. But I suppose, with all that action comes understanding, of yourself, men, and society in the end.

I'm not so open-minded a thinker as to yet embrace that it's good for our culture to parade the many lifestyle possiblilities before our growing-more-untraditional-by-the-day masses. But having leapt over the fence by force (my only saving grace)...I'd have to agree with the overly-cultured elitists who find enjoyment even in horror films,

(can't even watch them)...

you do learn some things interesting. Probably much like the overly-confident expectation made by Fox News enthusiasts, that averagely smart people can sort through the difference. Which I'd prove untrue in an instant, had I more time. Maybe at home on my laptop.

Conclusion without even having written yet, overly-cultured elitists are smarter than average. Or at least, overly-privileged to experience more, by some random psychological experiment supplied by the government, that causes all that rape to happen.

May be the wrong company

But totally the right vision. Building ladders to the top, where everybody can arrive there. God knows we've been infused with what's "important" to America, and once creation is everybody's liberty, then...

oh, fill in the blank. No more God! Do you get it? I totally do.

A buncha co-dependents if you ask me and my best friend

Who currently exists only in my imagination, and in my panic attacks. I never have to go through those alone, which is exciting. At the mall though, I was too busy feeling slightly sympathetic for all the Ashtons and ex-boyfriends of Jennifer Aniston.

To be unable to walk out loud in public, because everyone seems to need to know you, without actually doing the work. Inner work, that results in respectful relating, how it works in MY biz. Which also exists only in my mind, where I always play mother.

Yes, I encourage the youths of today to be their best selves, to marry rich and correctly (stumbled across that idea somehow)...and frankly, to lead the world. A bunch of lazy-asses fill the earth, in case none of you have noticed. Yet, add a little beat and measure, and suddenly,...

a God damn miracle, a coalition of devoted. Can't trust religion for everything, sometimes you must master just culture. And in conclusion, since I totally forgot what I was saying (too busy fantasizing about the grown up John Mayer).

Oh yeah, a bunch of co-dependents who can't even walk around in public. Sounds less like a wonderful life, than a job that sucks in the rejects. I've known a few.