Mainly, I was surprised at how I anticipated her tears before they even came. Realized that I wasn't so afraid of telling her while crying, as disappointed that I couldn't maintain my "strong friend" composure. It's what people always seem to like.
I really hate disappointing everyone I know by being weak, not having perfection all together. It's not a task I assigned myself, I PROMISE YOU, it's something that just falls upon your shoulders when you buck the status quo your whole life. Suddenly you're some leader.
At the Disney-rips-off-our-small-town commercial event on Saturday, I had to come to terms with the fact that young mothers can be hurt if they don't have a reliable vision of strong others. I let everyone I know down by having this imperfect child, I didn't mean to.
It's okay, I can handle walking that road, and I do it with pride. But it's such a stark contrast between "ooh, everything she says carries the weight of gold" to can't even look at her anymore straight in the eyes. It's lonely, but expected.
Oh yeah, Jen...where was I? I sensed that I was going to destroy her to the core with my news. Not that she keeps me on the same pedestal as the others, but she loves children and God and me as much as I do. We were injured together.
I told her to sit down, and to brace herself, although I didn't want to. Some angel must have whispered, "be gentle, this Catholic's breakable". My friend, my friend, was all she kept sighing as it registered. Finally I gathered enough sense to be a respectable host, and grabbed some Kleenex. Actually, it was Target brand. Or wait...was it?
I can't remember.
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