Narcissism wins!!!

Reading the future

I'm following my counselor's advice to the tee, staying fully present in every moment, becoming rubber and just being. It's allowing all of my energy ties to release their holds, past and present. The future still bodes.

I don't know why I keep the same vision intact, as if I could ever know something ahead of its being true. The pace at which I'm developing and refining all my skills...beyond supernatural, something larger's working its way through.

Don't know what, or why. Just that I'm being the best mom and wife I can be, as if every cherished moment is one less regret. Filling my albums with pictures and memories, so in the end, in the end then what?

Well, I'll know I've done my best. That's GOT to be the reason for all this strange, unexpected striving. Or, I just realize life is short and this is the only chance we get.

No open gym today

Today is two appointment Monday, which was going to be Mute Monday...but well, you know. Daniel Merriweather just came on VH1, so another victory. "You see the pictures...but you don't know their names..." whatever that means.

"All of these problems, they're all in your head." And I can't be someone else. Who can, really? I tried throughout this weekend to accept my passion for feng shui as not just normal, but a productive use of mime energy.

And, it works!! Your outer environment is an exact replica of your inner experience, and so if something is triggered within, by say, a sight line. Just fix it, and a space is cleared in your being. If you can't mime at it and produce a pose, it still counts!

If you can mime at it, yet not with pure energy...mission not accomplished. Blogging the aftermath, not recommended.

Less than ten minutes

I just feel openhearted and accepting of all the people in my life, everywhere. And I'm sure, as confirmed by my mystical influence (Myss) that every measure of positive change, release, acceptance makes an actual knowable seeable influence somewhere else on earth.

Believe in the power of that influence and walk all of the roads. Could cure what ails the whole world with that belief on go.

Ice cold tears

Cried last night (as if this is Monday). Only for the briefest moment as I looked back at what kind of mother I've been this past year. Not a good one. Too much fighting for no reason, and probably too much excitement and ridiculous human conditions beyond my soul's choosing.

Because a soul would never be stupid enough to choose half the things I've lived this year. Right?

My dad's heading out 2nite

I'm sure the cabin will miss him greatly all weekend. Got a cross sums book I'm totally heading towards, my one affliction...let's not go there. No Fresca, I promise.

Bubbly and refreshing, but still, no. Wouldn't drink it even if offered to me by, oh never mind. I'm working on my basement and making linear progress. Meaning, my sight lines are getting cleared out, does that make me annoying?

Is it weird that I want to literally put on a cape and fly around my basement, up the stairs, into cleaning mode when need be. Like a superhero, yeah. I said it.

So there.

Asha's HOMESCHOOLING!!!

And here, I was searching the internet for a Milkbone advertisement I could believe in. Animal lovers will adore her reasoning for replacing her son's school peers with a more reliable animal...a PIG!!! Doesn't George Clooney have a pig? Maggie would know.

Oh wait, wait...a dog. But her observations on his struggles at school, and all the attempts at therapies and school changes, ding ding ding...is that a quiet little triangle bell I'm hearing? No, just another flashback from my years in elementary. Good memory, don't get me wrong.

Michael's has gone UPSCALE!

I walked in all about the scrapbooking, I swear to God!!! Was gonna find some patterns that spoke music into my soul (might calm the screaming)...just some 79 cent pieces of paper to ponder.

Ha, ha. I'd rather pay most of a dollar for ANOTHER piece of paper that's not green. Why did I get bowled over there again? Oh yeah. Flashbacks, flashbacks galore!!!

Actually, the scrapbook aisle appeared to have shrunk. Yet every jewelry-making fantasy I've ever had came true in no less than three well-stocked aisles. And I'm thinking Christmas, and other celebrations I'm currently blocking out.

I am, guess whose fault. Not the dog's obviously. Anyhoo, I forgot what I was saying, but totally had everything to do with Jes MaHarry of sundance (reminds me of Jewel). I SWEAR!!!

Tomorrow's work

Growing pains

As I walk the long road of becoming reacquainted with family, trading in my previously coveted throne as "that one who homeschooled against our advice and produced more grandkids than we needed", it's hard.

Really painful, and something I'd normally avoid, thanks to my knowledge of ROOT chakras and the dilemmas they cause. Before, standing alone wasn't only necessary, but it's where I belonged.

I only wrote that last part for its rhyming capacity, it's not really where I belonged. I experiment daily though, with standing APART from everyone, keeping my energy my own.

But now, my dad needs me in the fold, and despite the hurt I feel in my heart and throat, I keep myself aimed. Toward full grown. Yes, that sounds like it belongs there, doesn't it?

No. Well, point is, the places where it hurts to grow, we should go. You know?

The bottom of the pickle barrel

It's where I found my missing parts, and surprisingly, the rainbow reflecting itself in the putrid juice...not as freaky as I'd imagined. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE pickles...on everyday of the week, even Mondays.

But mostly, they just remind me that my position in life was a gift given to me directly by God. And of course by position, I'm referring to my status as wife, mother, and pollyanna self. I almost gave up the pollyanna schtick altogether, until I realized.

Mainly, I realized that the world is kind of depressing without it, and my obsession about writing what I shouldn't for all the wrong reasons...wouldn't be as satisfying without my prescription blinders.

So, I'm keeping 'em, training for my own special kind of marathon, and yes. Being nothing but myself is plenty, and enough.