Chime in, anytime. So a couple months ago I heard about the crisis announced to EVERYONE on Facebook. You know, so betrayed, life is over, etc. Alas, what could cause such a stir in an otherwise stable, polished professional's life? Leaked out IMMEDIATELY that her NEW husband cheated on her with his ex-wife! I mean we'd all heard he was a serial philanderer, cheated on all three of the mothers of his children afterall. Could the right woman change him, maybe the PERFECT woman? Time would sure tell.

Grandstand

A functional parade with dandelions blowing in the breeze, seen it anywhere? That space, where someone listened intently, whose very existence resonated with my every held thought, belief, and expression? Life wouldn't remain complete without it, that reliable space of forever beholding.

It is God, only castmember left. But the romance, the affair of the heart that encourages the entire finished act to be said out loud. I love you earth, wind, breeze... love you summer ending up as autumn even when you couldn't have planned it. It just was.

God, are u in there? Standing above and beyond, leading the pack, the star. Famous for no reason but pure luck, circumstance, and an extra-driven edge. Plus, knowing people.

Harmony restored

First day that homelife actually fell into the rhythm I savor...rising together with the same sense of purpose, breakfast enjoyed and then scheduled fun. Time with my oldest has never felt so important as she bridges into adolescence, a girl I adore.

All these ages that will never recur, not a moment missed, no memory neglected...it's ours to revere. Looking ahead at the lives we'll be leading, adult children and elderly parents, that'll someday be us. Can't take any of it for granted, and won't.

Never tempted.

Fashion bound

Falling back into love

...with a life filled with love, and many blessings. Dare I try it? It's still spring and with summer cheating on all of us and showing up today, being perfect without asking. Traveling deep within all my prejudices, healing scars from my past as they call out my name.

Facing aging, lifetime's milestones, that next stage of journeying. Taking something of it for myself, planning ahead, plotting the length before me. Bearing judgment I've deserved, but walking forward, still hoping.

Things of this earth

No, that roadblock right there. Squint harder. Few people will bask in mothering three-year-old toddlers like I will. On an off-day, like today perhaps, reading that board book for the first time (not the zillionth) might strain nerves they ordinarily wouldn't.

Best time, of her life and mine. For me, it's not just a day filled with meditation, in between studying and laundry, but just another ordinary day to work harder. Maybe I'm working harder at feeling less bored today, when I wouldn't ordinarily.

Allowing for today, and its roadblocks and new boredom...has no predictable influence on tomorrow. Which will automatically be different, just how it is.

Narcissism wins!!!

Reading the future

I'm following my counselor's advice to the tee, staying fully present in every moment, becoming rubber and just being. It's allowing all of my energy ties to release their holds, past and present. The future still bodes.

I don't know why I keep the same vision intact, as if I could ever know something ahead of its being true. The pace at which I'm developing and refining all my skills...beyond supernatural, something larger's working its way through.

Don't know what, or why. Just that I'm being the best mom and wife I can be, as if every cherished moment is one less regret. Filling my albums with pictures and memories, so in the end, in the end then what?

Well, I'll know I've done my best. That's GOT to be the reason for all this strange, unexpected striving. Or, I just realize life is short and this is the only chance we get.

No open gym today

Today is two appointment Monday, which was going to be Mute Monday...but well, you know. Daniel Merriweather just came on VH1, so another victory. "You see the pictures...but you don't know their names..." whatever that means.

"All of these problems, they're all in your head." And I can't be someone else. Who can, really? I tried throughout this weekend to accept my passion for feng shui as not just normal, but a productive use of mime energy.

And, it works!! Your outer environment is an exact replica of your inner experience, and so if something is triggered within, by say, a sight line. Just fix it, and a space is cleared in your being. If you can't mime at it and produce a pose, it still counts!

If you can mime at it, yet not with pure energy...mission not accomplished. Blogging the aftermath, not recommended.

Less than ten minutes

I just feel openhearted and accepting of all the people in my life, everywhere. And I'm sure, as confirmed by my mystical influence (Myss) that every measure of positive change, release, acceptance makes an actual knowable seeable influence somewhere else on earth.

Believe in the power of that influence and walk all of the roads. Could cure what ails the whole world with that belief on go.

Ice cold tears

Cried last night (as if this is Monday). Only for the briefest moment as I looked back at what kind of mother I've been this past year. Not a good one. Too much fighting for no reason, and probably too much excitement and ridiculous human conditions beyond my soul's choosing.

Because a soul would never be stupid enough to choose half the things I've lived this year. Right?

My dad's heading out 2nite

I'm sure the cabin will miss him greatly all weekend. Got a cross sums book I'm totally heading towards, my one affliction...let's not go there. No Fresca, I promise.

Bubbly and refreshing, but still, no. Wouldn't drink it even if offered to me by, oh never mind. I'm working on my basement and making linear progress. Meaning, my sight lines are getting cleared out, does that make me annoying?

Is it weird that I want to literally put on a cape and fly around my basement, up the stairs, into cleaning mode when need be. Like a superhero, yeah. I said it.

So there.

Asha's HOMESCHOOLING!!!

And here, I was searching the internet for a Milkbone advertisement I could believe in. Animal lovers will adore her reasoning for replacing her son's school peers with a more reliable animal...a PIG!!! Doesn't George Clooney have a pig? Maggie would know.

Oh wait, wait...a dog. But her observations on his struggles at school, and all the attempts at therapies and school changes, ding ding ding...is that a quiet little triangle bell I'm hearing? No, just another flashback from my years in elementary. Good memory, don't get me wrong.

Michael's has gone UPSCALE!

I walked in all about the scrapbooking, I swear to God!!! Was gonna find some patterns that spoke music into my soul (might calm the screaming)...just some 79 cent pieces of paper to ponder.

Ha, ha. I'd rather pay most of a dollar for ANOTHER piece of paper that's not green. Why did I get bowled over there again? Oh yeah. Flashbacks, flashbacks galore!!!

Actually, the scrapbook aisle appeared to have shrunk. Yet every jewelry-making fantasy I've ever had came true in no less than three well-stocked aisles. And I'm thinking Christmas, and other celebrations I'm currently blocking out.

I am, guess whose fault. Not the dog's obviously. Anyhoo, I forgot what I was saying, but totally had everything to do with Jes MaHarry of sundance (reminds me of Jewel). I SWEAR!!!

Tomorrow's work

Growing pains

As I walk the long road of becoming reacquainted with family, trading in my previously coveted throne as "that one who homeschooled against our advice and produced more grandkids than we needed", it's hard.

Really painful, and something I'd normally avoid, thanks to my knowledge of ROOT chakras and the dilemmas they cause. Before, standing alone wasn't only necessary, but it's where I belonged.

I only wrote that last part for its rhyming capacity, it's not really where I belonged. I experiment daily though, with standing APART from everyone, keeping my energy my own.

But now, my dad needs me in the fold, and despite the hurt I feel in my heart and throat, I keep myself aimed. Toward full grown. Yes, that sounds like it belongs there, doesn't it?

No. Well, point is, the places where it hurts to grow, we should go. You know?

The bottom of the pickle barrel

It's where I found my missing parts, and surprisingly, the rainbow reflecting itself in the putrid juice...not as freaky as I'd imagined. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE pickles...on everyday of the week, even Mondays.

But mostly, they just remind me that my position in life was a gift given to me directly by God. And of course by position, I'm referring to my status as wife, mother, and pollyanna self. I almost gave up the pollyanna schtick altogether, until I realized.

Mainly, I realized that the world is kind of depressing without it, and my obsession about writing what I shouldn't for all the wrong reasons...wouldn't be as satisfying without my prescription blinders.

So, I'm keeping 'em, training for my own special kind of marathon, and yes. Being nothing but myself is plenty, and enough.

Don't join the Grand Old Party

My bad, majorly. Never admit to being Republican in front of me at least, as I recently saw a movie where a man owned 75 Taco Bells and had a black son BEFORE he met a Democrat in real life. Based on a totally true story even.

My dad is the HUGEST FAN of Sandra Bullock, and Drew Barrymore too, but it's mostly Sandy he keeps going on and on about lately. Doesn't have anything bad to say about Jesse James, which is not unusual for our family (not gossips, actually).

He just likes that Sandra Bullock, great acting he says.

It's a Diary of a Wimpy Kid festival

At the library, of course. Saw the greatest housedress today on an actual woman...lavenderish. Checking out some DVDs, probably to spite her ex-husband who controls everything about her, except her wardrobe.

Even watched her snag a CHILDREN'S EVENTS brochure (I already have one), and here's me hoping I'll see more of her. I recall a long, long time ago, back when iVillage was in fashion...an interaction with a woman who had 15 children.

Yes, it appeared she was in an abusive marriage, based on her non-answers to my questions which were, "____" and "____". Currently, I cannot remember. All I know as of now, based on experiences that occurred no less than an hour ago:

Break jobs, both front and rear...$95. Of course, the cute pictures drawn by the mechanic's children weren't even extra. Just hung half-amorously up on a bulletin board (on his wall). Some Pringles advertising he'd somehow talked his chil'ren into.

Weird, strange, and of course totally obvious.

Guess where I went on my pass

Church first, where I realized it's the HEART that sings, not the voice. Hadn't previously known this. And I lifted my hands in praise for the first time, well, only my right because I don't like to draw attention (it's embarrassing). Felt the pulse of spirit, though.

Right behind me sat a UND SIOUX player, in UNIFORM! Stayed afterwards to soak up as much as God would give him (we won!!!) Then, we went to Starbucks. You know, I bought this TANGO CD last time I was in exchanging my gift card for the mini-version.

Don't know why I bought music without lyrics, and can only listen to one track in good conscience (there's a tango for conspiracies). Maybe I'm saving it for one of my better moods. But I also noticed the snacks are sure becoming mom-friendly...geared exactly for all those moms out there who ALREADY KNOW superior parenting.

I'm still in the failing category, but aiming for wholeness. My dad being here feels pre-divined. Like, he's always felt guilty about living by my brothers and celebrating grandchildren, while my kids could use a grandpa (and I could use a nanny).

So, good sights ahead.